Let me be honest, as a new mom 7 years ago I felt like my life was over after having my daughter. This narrative exists in our society and many moms do feel that way. I do not want to invalidate those feelings but rather to offer a change in perspective which I hope will foster peace and joy in motherhood. I believe that your life isn’t over when you become a mom it’s evolving. Wanna find out why? Then keep reading.
How does becoming a mom change you?
Becoming a mother is a major transition that comes with a lot of changes. Though some changes are similar, like body changes when women are pregnant and after they give birth. Others are not, they are dependent upon circumstances and desires and so much more. For example, I stayed in 3 different Provinces and changed jobs twice between pregnancy and my daughter’s first birthday. And I believe that it is easy to feel like your life is over and to lose yourself in the transition because the changes that come with motherhood are a lot and they happen quickly.
Does motherhood define a woman?
“Motherhood is a facet of a woman’s identity, not its entirety” ~ unknown
This narrative of a woman’s life is over after becoming a mother is perpetuated by the societal expectation that when a woman becomes a mother, she should only be a mother and forget about the other things. It is time we normalize cultivating all the aspects that make up a woman’s identity- not just motherhood! So no, motherhood doesn’t define a woman, she defines herself.
(i.e. I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength, I am a mom who is the founder of On Purpose with Busie Sholo, I work part-time and I have a part-time helper who assists me in the home; I snap at my daughter sometimes and I am still an exceptional mom!). You can redefine motherhood and womanhood for yourself at anytime and as many times as you need to.
It’s not over, it’s evolving
Evolve
/ɪˈvɒlv/
verb
- develop gradually.” the company has evolved into a major chemical manufacturer”
Perspective is everything! What may feel like your life is over can just be a hectic season in your life. Sometimes we believe that being a mother requires an all-inclusive sacrifice. I had always believed that being a good mom meant I could no longer have an identity outside of motherhood, and if I did, I would be putting my child at a disadvantage in some way. However, as I developed I realized that allowed myself to be swallowed by the notion that I needed to do it all and be it all for my child which in turn made me feel like my life is over. That’s when the game changed for me. You can also choose to look at it as evolving, as becoming the woman and mom you are meant to be. Yes, you may need to slow down and rearrange your priorities but that doesn’t mean that your life is over.
How to rediscover yourself after becoming a mother
Each of us has something to offer the world around us, and our specific, unique gifts will never be discovered if we lose ourselves trying to fit into pre-designed molds of what being a woman is supposed to look like. To rediscover yourself after becoming a mother, you can do the following:
- Self-care – Practice taking care of yourself
- Pursue your dreams – Take the actions, no matter how small; to pursue the dreams that God has placed in your heart. And if you feel stuck, check out the Mommy Dreams Journal designed to help you get unstuck and help you to pursue your dreams beyond motherhood.
- Get help – Ask for help and learn to receive it from those who offer it to you and trust that they can do what needs to get done.
I believe that your life isn’t over when you become a mom, it’s evolving. In fact, you are evolving! Do not fall for the good mother myth. Decide the kind of life you would like to bring or raise your children in and start building it for yourself and your children. What are your thoughts on the narrative that your life is over when you become a mother? Comment below.
